We are here to dispel a narrative.
All too often, fortune tellers, forecasters, speakers of truth, daresay even prophets are questioned. Any common citizen can make a halfhearted prediction. Prophets are foreseers of the path, pathfinders of the trail, trailblazers of the future, the future of society.
I myself am one in regards to very important topics, such as seeing quite clearly the future career success of 20 year old men entering the National Basketball Association through a non-compulsory draft process in which the trajectory of their lives is changed based on the opinions of a few men who have met them maybe once and also by the order of some questionably randomized ping pong balls. In this, I see all.
My history in this field has been impressive (said so humbly). Among my greatest visions to date is my glorious king Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, drafted 11th by the Clippers in 2018. I declared him the second coming of Christ and one of my favorite players before he even played his first game, very aware of his LeagueFits award-winning potential. He has more than lived up to his billing (2x LeagueFits MVP, 2nd place finish 2024 NBA MVP). In another instance, much to my chagrin, my beloved Detroit Pistons selected now ex-Piston and 0x anything-winner Luke Kennard over 5x All-Star and Dunk Contest Champion Donovan Mitchell. Curses were uttered when Kennard (not the worst choice in the world, he broke LeBron’s Ohio state high school scoring record) was chosen over Mitchell, who was in turn drafted one pick later.
This all could be fabricated were it not for other firsthand accounts, bringing into question the validity of my omnipotent vision. Hence, this column now comes into play in order to solidify my claim to the throne, a la Daenerys.
Last year, I started formalizing my formerly audibly proclamations in written form. The rules were as follows:
Create a starting 5 (PG, SG, SF, PF, C) of 1st round prospects in addition to any number of 2nd round / undrafted prospects (vibe picks).
Selected players will be the participants best possible combination of future success, prosperity, vibes, and aura. This does not necessarily mean the 5 “best” players, but is closely correlated.
No selected players may be drafted by the participants favorite team (for their own good)
No players in the top 5 may be selected (way too easy)
My selections for the inaugural draft class of 2023, chosen immediately after the draft, were as follows:
PG: Brandin Podziemski, Pick 19
SG: Jordan Hawkins, Pick 14
SF: Olivier Maxence-Prosper, Pick 24
PF: Taylor Hendricks, Pick 9
C: Noah Clowney, Pick 21
Average pick: 17.4
Vibe Picks:
Ricky Council IV, Undrafted
Last year’s draft has left much yet to be proved, mostly due to lack of opportunity. Podziemski burst onto the scene (as foreseen) and secured a starting spot and 1st team All-Rookie for the Warriors. Hawkins found great success when given the chance, averaging 17.3 PPG in ten games as a starter and scoring 25+ four times. Unfortunately, he found himself buried on the bench by the end of the season. The remaining three starters chosen by the hand of God on my list found themselves lacking playtime, but showed promise in limited action.
I am still weighing the value of having a Chosen One - someone to carry the mantle of the prophecy. Noah Clowney is the fated star of 2023. God has chosen him. I am simply an envoy. Mark these words.
Ricky Council IV was the undrafted vibe pick of the draft, and his aura told no lies. First and foremost, he is the descendant of a great line of Ricky Councils. Starting with his father, Ricky Council, and preceded by his brothers, Ricky Council II and Ricky Council III, he is the last son in a historic bloodline line. It is difficult for undrafted players to break into rotations, but RC IV had no problem doing so, even scoring 19 points and collecting 10 rebounds in one of the lone games he was allowed the opportunity to display his full capabilities. Aura and fate are undeniable.
Let it be known that these picks are the definitively chosen few. Whether it takes one year (Podziemski) or five, they will prevail. It is told.
Moving on to this year’s draft, my selections for the upcoming draft class.
PG: Bub Carrington, Pick 13
SG: Isiah Collier, Pick 29
SF: Matas Buzelis, Pick 11
PF: Ryan Dunn, Pick 28
C: Kel’el Ware, Pick 15
Average pick: 19.2
Vibe Picks:
Harrison Ingram, Pick 48
RaeQuan Battle, Undrafted
My picks this year were decided by a combination of feel, instinct, and blind allegiance to “Oh he’s nice.” They look keen to carry on my legacy into future generations.
Bub Carrington III was selected due to his otherworldly name, performance even as one of the youngest players in D1, and connection as cousin of a former favorite and pure hooper, Rudy Gay. Love you Bubby.
Isiah Collier reminds me of Donovan Mitchell, a former Chosen One. God will not let him slip through our fingers again.
Matas Buzelis is the resident “Why Not” prospect. He could truly be terrible. Genuinely terrible. He could also be great. The signs are troublesome with this one. My tea leaves are murky. We hope for the best. Use caution. He trash talks a ton and is funny as hell, so his arrow is pointing in the right direction, however.
Ryan Dunn is fun. Funn Dunn.
Kel’el Ware is a demigod, sent straight from Heaven. He is the Chosen One of 2024. I have no doubt he will succeed as the next of a great kind of Chosen Ones. Perhaps I just love big athletic centers that can stretch out to 3. Perhaps that’s just what fate has decided upon.
Harrison Ingram is my resident 3 and D and more prospect. From Royce O’Neale to Taurean Prince to Torrey Craig and even to O-Max-Prosper, there lies a soft spot in my heart for long defensive-minded wings that sit outside and just shoot open 3’s but still have enough athleticism to have some fun every once in a while. They truly make the world go round. Ingram is the next in a long line of these personal favorites.
Lastly, RaeQuan Battle will succeed. He is the first and only NBA player I can claim to have played against. While Haller Middle School’s 8th grade varsity basketball team may have lost to him that fateful day in 2015, my admiration was not lost. He has been chosen by local Northwestern Washingtonians and Native Americans to carry them forward. We have known for a long time what the world will come to find out. Just don’t heckle him too hard - his grandma yelled at my friend once. Had to exit Marysville quite promptly.
I invite my readers to continue my practices on their own. Follow your heart, be but a conduit of fate, and as Tammy Wynette so wisely said back in 1969, “Stand By Your Man.” It is harder than it looks.