Later this week, Glyptodon is launching 48/24/12 an interactive guide covering the best Austin has to offer. In advance of this complete handbook of restaurants, bars and activities Ask Glyptodon™ tries to answer the hardest question of all…
What is the best single menu item in all of Austin?
There are great restaurants in every cardinal direction of the city. Expansive menus covering entire continents of cuisine. But most diners will only experience a few select items from each place. That makes picking your appetizer, entree and dessert a consequential bundle of decisions determining the fate of your meal. We’ve all experienced going to a restaurant recommended by a friend, having an ok meal and being told you ordered the wrong thing. Recommending restaurants is easy, but dialing up the perfect order to a friend or out of town visitor is the real flex.
Let’s start with sandwiches. The sandwich scene is sparse, but you can still find great carbs across town. Whatever Food Heads has in the smoker is bound to impress. The Lami is my personal favorite there, but the Mortadella Sandwich at Spread & Co. is a close second. Also receiving votes is The Rachel at Mum’s, if you’re into that kind of thing. I am also told there are a few good Italian subs at various pizza places across town, but if you’re presented with pizza and opt for a sandwich instead there is something chemically imbalanced in your brain.
Pizza is a surprising strong spot in Austin. Not much to be found in terms of cheap eats, instead it is your choice of 30 dollar, thin crust, high-end pies. Unburdened by dramatic breakups, Allday has the best slice in town: the Spicy Margh. I know, the name’s a tough sell. A pizza that’s more fun to eat than to order. If your manhood is bruised by the kitschy name, try a Sweet Sausage instead. You’ve got one of those, right?
Say you are dining outside of the dinner hours, you might go searching for the best bagel or breakfast sandwich in the city. Stop. Don’t do that. You wouldn’t shop for power tools at Joann’s, so don’t go around town looking for a bagel when Austin is home to a banner breakfast item of our own. The breakfast taco. A quick Google search will point you to Veracruz, where the migas taco is a staple. Don’t get monogamous though, Mi Madre’s, Joe’s Bakery and Paprika have all perfected the crude art of the bacon, egg & cheese taco. But when your new coworker broaches this question to you, point them somewhere Eater won’t. El Mariachi's in Pease Park. Home of the El Mariachi taco and its secret ingredient you won’t find anywhere else— crispy dice browns.
Barbecue is the other dominant scene in town. It is also the most well litigated. By now you know the names Franklin, La BBQ, Interstellar etc. The Michelin guide certainly does. Arguing over which is best is pointless. They are all so fatty and decadent the taste escapes your mind hours later while your body struggles to break down the brisket. Pick your spots and make the stomach ache worth it.
Franklin has the best brisket. Not the tastiest, but the most consistent. It is the rare tourist trap that gets better with age. Interstellar gives you the most unique offerings like the peach tea pork belly. Micklethwaite seems to ignore meat in favor of the city’s best sides menu. Jalapeño cheddar grits are a highlight. But the best menu item at any BBQ restaurant in Austin is, disappointingly, not up for debate. The brisket rice bowl from KG BBQ is so far above the competition it is boring. Never has a dish been so lite and satisfying. This is the only BBQ bite in town that leaves you wanting seconds. With plenty of BBQ in city limits, washing it all down is the real challenge.
There is one drink to recommend above all others. A drink you can finish in a few minutes but lasts hours. The De Nada margarita. Whose presence in the mind of every Austinite has outpaced the restaurant's ability to accommodate its diuretic qualities. Which is to say in layman’s terms: two of these will have you pissing behind a dumpster in the parking lot. Whether it be frozen or rocks, this exact blend of tequila and triple sec goes down so easy you can’t help but get carried away. Two drinks is the legal limit at De Nada, but if you go with lightweights there will always be leftovers to tide your cravings. You won’t need it though, De Nada’s margarita engenders a drunken stupor that peaks for approximately 12 hours, but lasts much longer. For months after, the pink cup in your cabinet burns brightly into your brain; either waking up painful memories of quesadillas visualized after digestion or stirring pleasant visions of memorable nights reeking of tequila.
Appetizers are the movie trailers of dining. Short, to the punch and designed to excite your appetite. Peche’s mushroom fritters recently made a triumphant return in this category. Fritters are a name restaurants use to convince you what you’re eating is not a hushpuppy. Also in the carb quadrant is the cornbread at Odd Duck, a recipe you can easily find online but will never imitate successfully. Also a presiding member of the appetizers board: Justine’s steak tartare.
Once appetizers are served, the game is on to see who can order the most enviable dish. You’re aiming for oohs and ahs when the waiter presents yours. The grilled Quail at Dai Due makes a big case for small breasts. But if you opt for land meat over poultry, the tomahawk steak at Hopfields is the standard. Ordering this dish is like watching a David Cronenberg movie, your stomach is churning a little but you’re glad you finished it. Where the proteins falter, pasta reliably picks up the baton. The best menu for such is at Patrizi’s in East Austin. But for our purposes here, the best single pasta dish in the city is at Red Ash. The tagliolini with fresh blue crab is even richer than it sounds, much like the clientele of this downtown favorite.
Ordering at a restaurant is a zero sum game, where dissatisfaction is always in play. Taking the mystery out of the equation requires careful planning and thoughtful recommendations.
Or you could just get the burger.